shut the fuck up

shut the fuck up

(Source: )

Okay this shitty feather picture has nothing to do with this caption.
Since Alexis tumbls as much if not more than she texts (and I don’t want to text her because I happen to know that her texting ringtone is that shitty ‘we are young’ song) I am now using the wondrous medium of tumblr to communicate with her. 
As it is now 4:51am on Friday morning and I happen to have it in confidence that your SAT scores were supposed to come out on Thursday here’s are my responses to various scores
if you got -1500 we literally aren’t friends anymore1600 did you forget to take a whole section?1700 maybe I’ll talk to you…in a few weeks1800 hmm1900 alright2000 yep2100 yay congrats!anything higher than 2130 doubt it :D
soooo tumbl me the news then!actually I have no idea how to check comments on tumblr…or if you can read comments on tumblr so just text me. my ringtone is not a shitty song. or a song at all for that matter. 

Okay this shitty feather picture has nothing to do with this caption.

Since Alexis tumbls as much if not more than she texts (and I don’t want to text her because I happen to know that her texting ringtone is that shitty ‘we are young’ song) I am now using the wondrous medium of tumblr to communicate with her. 

As it is now 4:51am on Friday morning and I happen to have it in confidence that your SAT scores were supposed to come out on Thursday here’s are my responses to various scores

if you got -
1500 we literally aren’t friends anymore
1600 did you forget to take a whole section?
1700 maybe I’ll talk to you…in a few weeks
1800 hmm
1900 alright
2000 yep
2100 yay congrats!
anything higher than 2130 doubt it :D

soooo tumbl me the news then!
actually I have no idea how to check comments on tumblr…or if you can read comments on tumblr so just text me. my ringtone is not a shitty song. or a song at all for that matter. 

(Source: h-yperactive)

Day drinking is a thing you know! so are day blackouts….trust me

Day drinking is a thing you know! so are day blackouts….trust me

(Source: pr-osecco)

Alexis is the ugly one

Alexis is the ugly one

(Source: sundrenchedd)

seriously what the FUCK did you drink last night to produce such vividly colored vomit

seriously what the FUCK did you drink last night to produce such vividly colored vomit

um ew

um ew

Alexis casually strolls into a mall one day with her AMAZING MOTHER (Julie <3) in tow. She peruses a mall directory only to find that Urban Outfitters- hipster clothing warehouse of choice- is in the basement of the mall, so she drags poor Julie to the nearest stair/escalator combo. Alexis being Alexis takes the escalator. Too busy tumbling on her phone, she neglects to “look before she escalates” and soon finds herself balls deep in an unexpected pool of water in the basement. “This isn’t so bad” she thinks, figuring there must just be a leaky pipe or an overflown public toilet, and since nothing can come between her and her neverending desire to purchase overpriced and hipster approved items, she commences wading. As her eyes scan frantically for the urban outfitters, she sees an ominous fin poking through the water. Julie, because she is awesome, beats a quick retreat to dry land- aka the stairs- but watches to her somewhat amused horror as Alexis continues. And is promptly devoured by a mall shark. The end.

I do want to know the real story behind this picture though.

Alexis casually strolls into a mall one day with her AMAZING MOTHER (Julie <3) in tow. She peruses a mall directory only to find that Urban Outfitters- hipster clothing warehouse of choice- is in the basement of the mall, so she drags poor Julie to the nearest stair/escalator combo. Alexis being Alexis takes the escalator. Too busy tumbling on her phone, she neglects to “look before she escalates” and soon finds herself balls deep in an unexpected pool of water in the basement. “This isn’t so bad” she thinks, figuring there must just be a leaky pipe or an overflown public toilet, and since nothing can come between her and her neverending desire to purchase overpriced and hipster approved items, she commences wading. As her eyes scan frantically for the urban outfitters, she sees an ominous fin poking through the water. Julie, because she is awesome, beats a quick retreat to dry land- aka the stairs- but watches to her somewhat amused horror as Alexis continues. And is promptly devoured by a mall shark. The end.

I do want to know the real story behind this picture though.

Alexis read this to me at the barn one day. Wow. It’s even better with pictures. Except not really.

&#8230;I feel like this is retarded enough on its own and doesn&#8217;t need a snarky comment from me

…I feel like this is retarded enough on its own and doesn’t need a snarky comment from me

(Source: hydrotoxicity)

I hear the distant rumblings of a faked eating disorder for the sole purpose of gaining attention&#8230;i can&#8217;t wait.
actually fuck that I can&#8230;I can wait for literally goddamn forever

I hear the distant rumblings of a faked eating disorder for the sole purpose of gaining attention…i can’t wait.

actually fuck that I can…I can wait for literally goddamn forever

(Source: d-i-s-o-r-d-e-r-r)